Poetry for the brave

Thomas Ward has been published in Alliterati and on Drunk Monkeys and at the moment he awaits feeback on his first novel. As well as writing he likes to travel, play music, watch films and fantasise about fighting sharks and the inevitable zombie apocalypse. He has a tumblr at www.renegadeviper.tumblr.com.  Check out his grotesque, darkly funny poem below - especially if you're a fan of Roald Dahl - but brace yourself first...

A Holiday Gift

She handed me a gift as she stepped off the train today,

and said ‘O darling how I’ve missed you!’ don’t open it until we’re away

I said ‘me too!’ and ripped it open at the station,

Full of excitement and anticipation

What ever could it be? And my imagination ran wildly,

A hat, a scarf, a painting of her and me? But in fact the texture was more like jelly

I looked at my gift and had a little think,

it looked back at me and gave a little wink

It wasn’t expected but then neither was she,

This wife of mine, always playing tricks on me

I laughed and cried ‘haha very funny!’

But when I touched one it felt rather gummy

I felt a shiver and stopped where I stood

‘Oh darling I found them out in the wood, thought of you and polished them good!

It wasn’t wine, shoes or cologne,

A bag of eyeballs is what she’d brought home

‘O darling thank you, what luck!

You shouldn’t have, no, it’s too much!

I only brought you a bouquet of flowers

And you’ve brought me a man half devoured!’

‘A woman’ said she and I felt a shiver

It started in my stomach and crept past my liver,

‘Anne helped me find them, isn’t that a surprise’

Anne was my secretary, with silky smooth thighs

‘Yes I invited her along,

What a lovely girl, I thought we could bond!

It was all going well, we had a terrific week,

The only thing that ruined it is that she talks in her sleep’

The station stood still and colours began to swirl,

I looked around, where was this other girl?

‘Anne stayed there?’ I asked timidly

My wife smiled, shook her head and nodded at me

‘She helped me find your gift, she’s got such sharp eyes!

Sparkly and green like emeralds in disguise!’

I looked at the bag and Anne looked back at me,

I imagined her body buried under a tree

Slugs and flies in the hollows of her eyes

All because I’d ran mine up her thighs

I tried to calm myself and get a handle,

‘Splendid my dear, we’ll put them on the mantle!’

‘Oh splendid!’ she said and my shoulder felt her head

We walked arm in arm and in my hand something dead

‘I’ve missed you so much my dear little Fred,

Next year, won’t you come with me instead?’

Thomas Ward

Issue #5 submissions now closed

We've had a breathtakingly large number of submissions for issue #5 of inc. magazine, written to the theme of 'place'. Many thanks to all those who kindly sent us their work! We're now rifling through them with large mugs of tea connected intravenously to select our favourite rhymes for illustration.

If you missed the deadline, don't worry, you can still get in touch with us anytime to introduce yourself, send over something you've been working on, or just have a good old chinwaggle. As always, our email address is inc.zine [at] gmail [dot] com. Illustrators, if you're quick we might still be able to consider you for this issue, just email us a bit about yourself and a link to your work online.

Keep your ears peeled (and join our mailing list) to keep up to date with inc. news and (gasp) the next launch party!

Poetry from Josh Seigal

Now and again a poet really catches our attention. Joshua Seigal's playful poetry is the kind of thing we would have loved as kids - but luckily his stuff isn't just for dwarves - sorry, children. Check out 'A Mormon on Mothers' Day' above.


Joshua hails from Barnet, London. He writes (and performs) in a broad range of styles. He is in possession of a manuscript of such poems which he is currently attempting to get published. Previous poems have appeared in magazines and journals such as Popshot, Iota, Pen Pusher, The Delinquent, New Leaf, Read This, The Frogmore Papers, Garageland, The Cadaverine, Under The Radar and The Ugly Tree. Poems are forthcoming in Neon Literary Magazine. And he's a lovely guy too. 

Issue #5: Submissions now open!

As promised, the time has finally come to open submissions for issue #5 of inc. magazine. 

Each issue so far has been a one-off project and number 5 is no different. For the first time, we are having open submissions for all poets and are asking you to write to a theme. We'll then send the best off to illustrators on a commission basis - but before you think this is your usual poem-picture set up, there's a bit more to it than that which we're keeping under our hat.

The theme is: 'Place'. 

The MAXIMUM length is 15 lines - please don't send us poems longer than that as we will not be able to use them. 

Send as many as you like to inc.zine [at] gmail.com by 29th February at the very latest (be grateful it's a leap year)

Illustrators: let us know if you're interested in being involved, with a link to your portfolio if we haven't already seen your work.

We're very open to different styles of poetry but as always have a penchant for rhyme and rhythm, or a bit of humour. Please tweet/blog about issue #5 to spread the word to other poets. Looking forward to seeing what everyone comes up with...